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======Keep your distance! ...======
Friday, Nov 8, 2013. When my behaviour is discussed, how do I stay calm? Do
I want to stay calm at all? Or am I strongly involved, and strongly upset since
people criticise me? Am I hurt, when I am criticised?
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**How things do NOT work usually ...**
Honestly, sometimes when I am criticised I am very upset. Usually, criticism
does not take place in an empty environment, but there are conflicts, there
are problems, there is pressure around. And then people start to criticise each
other.
Usually, criticism does NOT take in a calm environment, where we are sitting in a
nice scenery looking at the sea from some terrace with a coffee or tea in
front of us. Usually, the person criticising us is NOT starting with "let us
consider a little the different areas, what was very good, and what was less
good." Usually, this is NOT how it works in everyday life!
Usually, criticism takes place in a heated debate. Only when several people
are upset, they let the walls down, which are often used to hide thoughts and
criticism. We are not open and we are not free, when it comes to the things
we do not like and which burden us. Too often I have heard the sentence: this
is my opinion, but I cannot say it, it would hurt people and lead to
many disadvantages for me, if I would say it. And yes, criticism can destroy
relationships, and that can be very unfortunate!!
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**How to stay calm? ...**
**
How do you react when you are criticised? Too many of us react with counter
attack when we are criticised. Often, we first build a defense layer. And then,
when people start to argue, we fight back with all we have. Too often, the
fight then escalates and strong words and statements will find their way
into the debate. Criticism leads to a personal fight, which reaches the
layer of the relationship and destroys a lot. But things can go differently,
and we can do a lot to lead things.
I find it helpful, to consider myself as a kind of project, when it comes to
criticism. When I am my project, then I can step aside and consider myself
with some distance. I can step out of myself and stay calm - at least much
calmer than without this viewpoint. I want to do my projects as good as possible.
I want to carry them out successfully. With this attitude, it is helpful if
people tell me their opinion about the project. I can listen, get ideas what
could be improved and how - and then make up my own opinion of what I actually
do and carry out.
Keeping some distance is difficult! I have seen people who had the distance,
but as a consequence it was difficult to reach them with any criticism. But we
want to have both: we want to stay calm, but we also want to be reachable for
others. It is possible, when we take up a critical attitude towards ourselves,
when we make criticism an excercise for us every day. When we search for the
best day by day, we will be open for others to take part in it. And we will
stay calm!
(Roland Potthast)
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