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Husband and Wife - How to? ...

Thursday, Nov 21, 2013. When you touch a topic like “men and women” or “husband and wife” - is it that you can only loose? There are those with a strong opinion on both sides. And what ever you say, you will earn strong opposition.

Read the right way! …

There are those who want complete equality of men and women in society. They should have the same roles, the same possibilities, the same percentages of women and men in any particular role or position. There should just be no difference any more!

And there are others, who see a clear preference for men in the biblical traditions. They want women from staying away from leadership, want no women to be priests, no women to teach, no women to be first - since God created Adam first, then Eve. The arguments are based on the creation preference as the apostle Paul argues in 1 Timothy 2: 13.

Today, in western Societies we have a clear task of equal rights for everyone, independent of the gender, and of other things like race, age or sexual orientation. I myself live in a relationship with my wife which is a trained medical doctor with clear leadership gifts. How could I NOT be convinced that women can do all what men can do. I see them every day doing it, and doing it well!

But! I am also in the role of a biblical scholar, who has learned to value the bible highly. I have been studying it for decades now, studying its theological background as well as living with it, studying it day by day in my life and in the life of others. I have seen how much better God knows humans than I know them. How much better God knows what we need than we do (often!). I have seen his salvation, his wisdom, and his breathtaking insight into human relationships.

As Christ …

Let us read the passage where the apostle Paul writes about husband and wife:

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.1 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5: 22-33)

The passage is often read to support the opinion that the men go first, and women should follow. It is used to argue for men making the decisions. But how wrong would we be when we would follow only this line of thought. It is not said here - not even indicated. Read it with an open mind and heart. Read carefully! Of course there is some order established here, but it is the order “as Christ”! It is different from what we are used to.

The man is the head, as “Christ is the head of the church … and gave himself up for her”. It is clearly described here, what it means to be the head. It means to be the first in dedication, in love, in giving yourself up for the other. It is being the first in stepping back. It is being the first in service. Men, there is nothing said here about preference of decisions. There is nothing said here about a society dominated by men. Nothing said about fighting for preference! On the contrary, the passage strongly argues for a society dominated by “giving up yourself”. It is a strong argument for an “enabling society”! Christ himself told his disciples (John 15:15): “15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” (Roland Potthast) ... more texts